Furiously Inappropriate Magic - Preview  

Prologue

When destiny knocked on Fury Little’s door, her sort-of-aunt Nettie decided she’d better answer it for the girl.

She happened to be visiting Chauncy and Valtora’s quaint little home in Southwick at the time, during a much-needed break from her duties at the Order of Mundus. A little vacation she’d taken to the Little household without her husband Harry, which was a shame. Still, he was busy on some sort of mission, and besides, absence made the heart grow fonder, or so they said. And while for most marriages that would most certainly be true, for Nettie and Harry, any time apart was a bit painful.

In any case, she found herself at the kitchen stove at the time of destiny’s arrival, cooking up a nice little dinner for her sort-of-niece. For Fury happened to be the only one home, seeing as how Valtora and Chauncy had decided to take advantage of Nettie’s presence by enjoying an impromptu date night.

“Almost done sweety,” Nettie declared, stirring the stir-fry she’d made. Fury, already seated at the table and awaiting the meal eagerly, beamed at her with her customary good cheer.

“Yay!” she exclaimed, clapping her hands. Nettie glanced at her, unable to help but smile. For Fury was a simply lovely child, a joy to be around always. About as deep as a dried-up puddle, but hey, no one was perfect.

“Here ya go,” Nettie declared, grabbing a plate and serving Fury. She set the plate down before the girl, who hopped up and down in her chair with excitement.

She really was quite lovely, in more ways than one. For she’d inherited her mother’s looks, the poor girl, and puberty had been particularly generous. Fury had beautiful brown hair, a similar shade as her father’s, but wavy like her mother’s. Or rather, like Zella Trek’s hair, whom Valtora had stolen, by virtue of stealing her body. Fury’s hair flowed all the way down to her lower back, and had not a single split-end. Her eyes were big and beautiful, and were the strangest shade of purple Nettie had ever seen, and her lips were full. Much like the rest of her, whom nature had seen fit to fill to overflowing in all the right parts, while sparing the rest.

She really was utterly lovely, her outside perfectly matching her lovely soul.

Nettie sighed, serving herself then, wondering exactly at what point the poor girl would have that lovely soul crushed by the forces waiting outside this safe little home. For a fragile, sheltered, innocent girl like her would invariably have her heart broken and her dreams crushed, by the various evils that existed beyond the bubble Chauncy and Valtora had built for their precious daughter. Lovely souls and bodies were too often doomed to be preyed upon by unscrupulous others, after all.

But as fate would have it, Nettie didn’t have to wait long for her answer. For that was precisely the point that destiny knocked upon Fury’s door.

“What in the…?” Nettie blurted out, slapping more stir-fry on her plate. She set it aside, then waddled up to the front door, wondering who the hell it could be. Chauncy and Valtora had left only a half-hour ago after all, and their date nights usually went far into the morning. Entailing what exactly, Nettie had no interest in ever knowing, knowing Valtora.

Again came the knock, even before Nettie could reach the door, which implied an annoying amount of impatience.

“All right all right,” she yelled. “Hold yer damn horses.”

Then she reached the door, turning the knob, and flung it open irritably. Then she froze, her eyes widening.

“You!” she blurted out, staring in disbelief.

For there, standing on the front porch, was an exceedingly elderly man, even by Nettie’s standards. He was tall and thin, his back stooped with age, and clad in a brilliant blue cloak and pointed hat. And in his right hand was a big ol’, perfectly twisty staff, topped with a big ol’ blue crystal. He eyes her with equally blue eyes, stroking his thinning white beard.

“Hello Nettie,” he greeted.

“Imperius!” she replied. “What the hell’re you doin’ here?”

“The same thing I always do,” he replied evenly. “Delivering a Chosen One their destiny.”

“No one’s home,” she replied. Which was a lie, but close enough to the truth to pass for it. “Date night.”

“I didn’t come for Chauncy or Valtora,” Imperius replied. “And I already know that Chaos is otherwise occupied.”

Which was true, Nettie knew. For Chaos, having recently turned nineteen, had flown the nest last week, so to speak, traveling to Grissam to be with Destiny. Supposedly to continue his training as a warrior-wizard, although Nettie suspected that Destiny was providing a more well-rounded education for the boy, being rather pleasantly well-rounded herself.

“So who the hell’d you come for?” Nettie pressed. And then immediately narrowed her eyes. “No,” she blurted out.

“Yes,” Imperius replied.

“No,” she repeated. Imperius arched a bushy white eyebrow.

“Yes.”

“You don’t understand,” Nettie protested. “She’s…not Chosen One material.”

“That is not for you or I to say,” Imperius chided gently.

“Then go away,” Nettie replied.

“Now now Nettie,” he began.

“You want her, you gotta wait for her parents,” Nettie interrupted. “I can’t be makin’ decisions for her without their consent.” Which was a really really good way to weasel herself out of any responsibility for this unfortunate event.

Imperius eyed her in a scolding sort of way, but to her surprise, he inclined his head.

“Very well,” he decided. “I will return in one day.”

And with that, there was a poof, and he vanished in a burst of blue sparkles.

Nettie stared at where he’d been, watching as the sparkles touched the ground and vanished. Then she sighed, turning around and letting the door close behind her. She cleared her throat, then waddled back into the kitchen, doing her best to look nonplussed.

“Mmm!” Fury exclaimed, still eating her meal. “So yummy Nettie!”

“Glad you like it hon,” Nettie replied, grabbing her plate and sitting down to eat. The stir-fry was just okay, hardly worthy of Fury’s exclamations. A bit dry and poorly seasoned. But she seemed to enjoy it just the same. As evidenced by the fact that she danced in her seat as she ate, humming to herself merrily.

Poor idiot, Nettie thought, forcing herself to finish her meal. Her guts squirmed, whether because of the food or due to unease, she wasn’t sure. But she knew damn well that when Chauncy and Valtora returned from their little escapade, that she’d have to inform them of Imperius’s pending re-visit.

And she was not looking forward to that, no siree. Not one bit.

Chapter 1

 The bowels of Hell were hardly a place the uninitiated would care to visit, all hot and stinking of sulfur and filled with demons and such. But of course, much of the unpleasantness of Hell was merely good marketing, in that it made good people avoid going there at all costs. This had the rather pleasant effect of only attracting rather naughty people to come instead. And as Chauncy and Valtora would certainly attest to, naughty people could be so much fucking fun. In the case of this particular date night, quite literally so.

“Oh yeah baby,” Chauncy exclaimed, lying on his back on the warm stone of a rocky pillar some five hundred feet above a lake of pure magma. Gasping for air and sweating, for perfectly pleasant reasons. “God I missed this.”

“Yeah, we don’t say that name here,” Valtora chided, lying on her back at his side. She was quite spectacularly nude, and he was also nude, though rather disappointingly so, at least in his view. Yet somehow he happened to be just what she liked. Or rather, one type that she liked. For as their various trysts in Hell over the years had shown, Valtora enjoyed many types of man. And woman, too.

And while this had of course once filled Chauncy with all sorts of feelings, including inadequacy, insecurity, rage, shame, and despair, now it was just another way to enjoy a date. In this case, with the Incubi and Succubi, Valtora’s and Chauncy’s favorite people, respectively. Other than each other, of course. And their children. Except for Epic, that was, who as you’ll recall, dear reader, had vanished during Chaos’s adventure six years ago…and had never been seen or heard from again. Along with Zora, who Chauncy missed far more than his strange son, though he would never admit it to anyone.

“Sorry,” Chauncy replied. Then he sighed. “Ready to go back?”

“I mean I guess,” Valtora stated. “Honestly, I could go one more round.”

“I need an hour,” he stated. “Back home then?”

“Fine,” she grumbled. “Oh Zo-Monsterz!”

Almost immediately, Chauncy felt a weight on his pelvis, and saw a large cat laying across it. A cat three times as big as a regular housecat, with golden-brown fur speckled with black, and big, purple-pink eyes that gazed at him. Sexily, as always.

“Reowr,” she meowed. Whilst purring.

“Oh,” he blurted out. “Hey Zo.”

“Can you pwetty pweez bwing us home?” Valtora asked, using the universal cat-lady intonation. In response, ZoMonsterz’s eyes began to glow with an unholy orange-yellow light…and in a flash, they found themselves back home. On the living room floor, which was awkward, because Nettie and Fury were on the couch. And because Chauncy and Valtora were still quite naked.

“Gah!” Chauncy blurted out, rushing to cover his dangly bits. Which were covered by a Hellcat who’d been doing a more than adequate job, considering the rather unimpressive proportions involved. Unfortunately, his sudden movement startled poor ZoMonsterz, who leapt off him rather violently.

Unfortunately, that meant she accidentally scratched him with her hind claws. In a particularly personal place.

Deeply scratched. Like, all the way through.

Chauncy shrieked.

Blood shot all the way up to the ceiling, and Chauncy shrieked again, covering his groin with his hands. He felt a part of him roll off onto the floor with the motion, which firmly confirmed his greatest fears.

“FUCK!” he cried.

“Daddy?” Fury blurted out, wide-eyed.

“For the love of…!” Nettie shouted, leaping from the couch. “What in hell?”

“Rooter!” Chauncy screeched, trying in vain to stem the bloody jets painting the ceiling.

“Come on girlie,” Nettie said, yanking Fury off the couch and pulling her up the stairs. A moment later, Nettie came back down with Rooter, the small rocky golem with a plant atop his head. A plant that was significantly bigger than it’d been a decade or two ago. Rooter walked up to Chauncy, doing his healing thing, and to Chauncy’s immediate relief, he was whole again.

“Now get some damn clothes on!” Nettie barked, leaving the room again and going upstairs. Chauncy heard a door slam, and Nettie didn’t come down again.

“Oh thank goodness,” Chauncy blurted out, and to his shame he burst into tears. “Thank you thank you thank you.”

“What is…oh,” Valtora said, picking something up off the floor. It was, Chauncy realized a part of him he’d lost, but had regrown thanks to Rooter. “It’s so small,” she noted. Which was distressingly true. But on the receiving end of this statement was none other than Tip, the demonic mod for his rod.

“I’m…dying…” he gasped, his eyes glowing less brightly than before. “Save…me!”

“Rrhhhg,” Chauncy heaved, putting a hand over his mouth. And then he promptly passed out.

 * * *

 The next morning, Chauncy woke up in his hot-pink four post bed with Valtora at his side, and immediately looked under the covers to sneak a peek at what’d been so recently clawed. For he’d suffered a nightmare about the event, which had ended with him parting ways with Tip yet again. To his relief, he was still quite whole…and to his further relief, Tip had been reattached to him. The little demon was still sleeping, but had only recently settled down from an apparent nightmare, jerking his head from side to side and moaning from time to time. Luckily, at a non-considerable length, the demon had settled down.

After a shuddering sigh, Chauncy slipped out of bed, making sure not to wake Valtora. For while she was normally an early riser, she’d had a long night, and it was best to let sleeping mommies lie.

Down the stairs he went, dodging an errant sock placed by ZoMonsterz for the purposes of accidently killing him, and then made his way into the kitchen, finding Nettie already there. She was wearing a bathrobe and making breakfast, and to Chauncy’s relief, Fury was nowhere to be found. After what’d happened last night, he had absolutely no desire to see her, or to explain exactly what’d happened.

“Heya Chauncy,” Nettie greeted, her expression carefully neutral. Which could only mean terrible things. “Have a seat,” she added. “We need to talk.”

Chauncy felt the blood drain from his face, and sat down at the kitchen table, feeling numb. For if there were any four words more terrifying to a man than those – in that specific order – he didn’t know of them.

“I’m sorry,” he blurted out. “I was stupid.” He paused. “It’s my fault,” he added. Standard lines in response to the four deadly words, as any adult man should have learned.

“Shut up and listen,” she grumbled, having a seat opposite him. “Before ya ask, this ain’t got nothin’ to do with whatever dumb shit you two did last night.”

Chauncy paused, then relaxed. A bit.

“Oh,” he mumbled.

“Fury got a…visitor yesterday,” she told him, giving him a rather significant look.

“Oh, I know,” Chauncy replied, feeling quite relieved. “She’s been getting her periods for years now.”

“Not that visitor, ya dipshit!” Nettie shot back. “Imperius Fanning.”

The blood left Chauncy’s face a second time, this time vowing not to return.

“What?” he blurted out. “Why?”

“Why else?”

“But…she’s…ah…Fury,” he protested. Which was, to anyone who knew her, all that needed to be said. “What does destiny want with her?”

“Hell if I know, kid,” Nettie admitted. “But I suppose she’ll find out soon enough.” She sighed. “Imperius is coming back today, so he can deliver her destiny.”

“But…no!” Chauncy protested.

“That’s what I said,” Nettie replied. “But Imperius wouldn’t have it.”

Just then, Chauncy heard footsteps coming down the stairs. Light footsteps, dainty even. Which meant that they most certainly weren’t Fury’s. Sure enough, Valtora came ‘round the corner, walking into the kitchen, also with a bathrobe on. Hot pink, naturally.

“Hey,” she greeted with a yawn.

“Imperius is coming for Fury!” Chauncy blurted out, unable to contain himself. Valtora blinked, then frowned, then gave an incredulous look.

“For Fury?” she blurted out. “Oh hell no.”

“That’s what I said!” Chauncy replied.

“Me too,” Nettie piped in.

“Does he even know Fury?” Valtora protested, putting her hands on her hips. “Uh uh. Nope. No way.”

“Right?” Chauncy replied, feeling rather vindicated. For like everyone else in the house, he couldn’t help but feel guilty for the negative thoughts he had about his daughter. Particularly in light of all the wonderful positive thoughts that she inspired.

“Well Imperius is coming for her today, so…” Nettie warned, giving Valtora a significant look. Valtora crossed her arms over her chest.

“Let him,” she replied. “I dare him…”

Knock knock.

“…to,” she finished. “Fuck,” she added.

“I’ll get it,” Chauncy replied automatically. And then stayed right where he was, in classic Chauncy fashion.

“I’ll get it,” Valtora countered, and promptly turned to stomp toward the door. But at the same time, there came another stomping. A stomping from upstairs. Going downstairs, right toward the door. At alarming speed.

“I got it!” they heard Fury cry. Valtora cursed, breaking out into a sprint.

“No!” Chauncy blurted out. But by then it was too late. For Fury beat Valtora to the punch, so to speak, reaching the door and flinging it open with her usual gusto.

And there, standing on the doorstep, was none other than Imperius Fanning himself.

“Ah,” he stated. “You must be Fury. It appears I’ve come right on time.” 

* * *

 “Imperius!” Chauncy blurted out, trying to push past Fury to get between them. But Imperius shoved him back with the butt of his staff, shaking his head at Chauncy in warning.

“I came for Fury, not for you,” he stated coolly. “Please let me have a word with her.”

“Um…” Chauncy stated, wringing his hands.

“Alone,” Imperius added, giving him a warning glare. And, being a coward at heart, he backed down. For, no matter how many times he’d worn the mantle of a hero, he still felt most comfortable after taking it off.

Valtora took Chauncy’s place, peeking over Fury’s shoulder.

“Hey Impy!” she greeted. “Hi!”

“Hello Valtora,” Imperius replied.

“Fury’s gotta go now, bye!” Valtora informed him, pulling Fury bodily back from the door.

“Oh,” Fury exclaimed, quite confused as to what was going on.

“Enough!” Imperius snapped. And so suddenly booming and powerful was his voice that everyone froze in place. The legendary wizard glared at everyone. Except Fury, of course. “What will happen will happen, regardless of your attempts to avoid it,” he warned. “But as your superior in the Order of Mundus, you test my patience at your own peril.”

A chill ran down Chauncy’s spine, and he cowered under Imperius’s imperious gaze. Even Valtora remained speechless. Almost certainly not because she was cowed, but because she knew where this was going. Imperius was right, and they’d all witnessed the inevitability of his destiny-deliverances.

This was going to happen whether they liked it or not, and resisting would only make it worse. A phrase reminiscent of one that Chauncy had heard from his roommate while in prison in Tabula to the south, which had provided the incentive he’d needed to escape.

“Step back and close the door, and leave me with Fury,” Imperius commanded. “Please.”

Everyone reluctantly obeyed, and Valtora closed the door on Fury and Imperius, looking quite defeated. She turned to Chauncy, giving him an embrace, and Nettie watched on, her eyes moist.

“Sorry kid,” she told Chauncy.

“Yeah,” he replied. “Me too.”

For whatever was in store for Fury, he knew that, in the end, there would be no way to protect her childlike innocence from the evils of the world. Not anymore.

Chapter 2

Fury stared at the wizard before her, standing on her porch, at her house, no less. And who’d wanted to speak with her.

It was impossible. Unbelievable. A dream that had, at long last, come true. After all, throughout her entire life, every other member of her family had been asked to answer destiny’s call. Well, except for poor Epic, who’d vanished long ago. But still, she’d spent her whole gosh-darn life just waiting for Imperius Fanning to say it was her turn.

And here she was, and here he was, and it was actually, honest-to-gosh happening.

“Wow,” she breathed, taking this feeling in. A feeling of utter awe and delight. It was a marvelous sensation, and she hardly wanted to rush it, so she soaked in it instead, enjoying it for as long as it allowed her to. She found herself clutching the necklace she’d worn since she was a baby, the magical artifact Fang hanging from it. A gift from Daddy, the best-est man in the whole wide world.

“Fury Little,” Imperius began, his voice delightfully deep and booming. So much so that Fury clasped her hands together in delight. “Our world is in grave danger,” he warned, his tone darkening wonderfully. “An ancient evil has risen in the Dark Forest, southwest of Tabula. Even now, its armies are spreading across Grissam like a great plague. Without your help, they will destroy everything you know and love!”

“Really?” Fury gasped, covering her mouth with her hands.

“Really,” Imperius confirmed.

“I wanna help!” she decided instantly, putting her hands on her hips all determined-like. Heck, she even scowled fiercely, even though she wasn’t really mad. It was more of a determined ferocity, an internal vow to not allow anything to stop her in her quest. For if people were in trouble, why, it was her responsibility to do something to help them.

“Then journey past the Kingdom of Pravus, and seek the fabled land of Ferra Lin,” he replied. “There, you will find what you need to face the evil that threatens these lands.”

“Okay!” she replied instantly. Then she paused. “Ooo, can I start now?”

Imperius paused, eyeing her critically.

“Yes,” he answered.

“Yay!” she exclaimed, then rushed forward and gave him a big ol’ hug. He tensed up, as people sometimes did, but then relaxed and hugged her back, which all guys did in the end. Because guys were just the nicest, sweetest people, honestly. Unlike girls, who for some reason tended to be standoffish and irritated with her.

Her delight adequately expressed, Fury stepped back, beaming at Imperius. Then she waved goodbye.

“Goodbye!” she exclaimed, and then burst forward, running past Imperius and down the stairs of the front porch, making her way across the walkway toward the sidewalk.

“Wait!” Imperius shouted. Fury froze, then turned around.

“Oops…did I do something wrong?”

“Ah…it’s just, it might be better for you to have your parents and Nettie help you prepare for your trip, is all,” Imperius stated, giving her a funny look. A look she got often, from most people after a while, so she didn’t really pay it much mind.

“Okay,” she agreed. And walked right back to the front door, shoving it open eagerly. Her parents stumbled backward from the door, Nettie close behind. “I’m gonna save the world!” Fury exclaimed, thrusting her arms in the air.

And that, dear reader, is the very beginning of this particular tale, one that is sure to bring you down a very different road than you’ve traveled before. But never fear, for in the end, inappropriate magic is bound to appear, and old friends are sure to pop up. But buyer beware, for there’s no telling just how dark this tale may get, or how surprised you may be at the end. Read on, dear reader, and trust that at the very least, you’ll be inappropriately entertained along the way.

Chapter 3

Having been bestowed a grand destiny by none other than the great Imperius Fanning, Fury Little set off immediately to prepare for the epic journey to come. And of course, her wonderful family set out immediately to help her in this preparation, so eager were they for her to finally have her adventure.

Daddy went to the store to get her a pack, while Mommy and Nettie went to one of Addie’s grocery stores to get provisions. Fury took the opportunity to pack some clothes, which was a particularly hard job, considering just how many outfits she had. Each outfit was spectacularly colorful, of course, though heavily leaning on the pinks, purples, and turquoise. And naturally, she had colorful socks that had to be precisely matched to fit each outfit, and even underwear, though no one would see it. Because she would know, and it would bother her incessantly if she didn’t match.

This done, she considered her accessories, including the most important of all:  the hair ties. For these too had to match her outfits, and she needed plenty of options for her daily change in hairstyle. In lieu of packing said hair ties in a bag, however, she deemed it more efficient to carry them on her person. The smallest on her fingers, the rest on her forearms and wrists. In colorful patterns, naturally.

Then came the earrings, rings, necklaces, gold and silver braces for her wrists, toe rings, chokers, decorative fingerless gloves, and cute hats. Because when it came to going on a wonderful adventure, she wanted to look her best. Not for the purpose of impressing, for this didn’t even occur to her. Rather, she found that the more her outside represented who she was inside, the better - and more authentic - she felt.

This monumental task complete, Fury went downstairs with her stuff in tow, finding that her parents and Nettie had returned from their respective shopping trips. They seemed a bit quiet, and exchanged glances, and even seemed a bit teary-eyed.

“Aww,” she cooed, giving Daddy an impromptu hug in the kitchen as he laid out a hot-pink backpack with purple highlights, which was exactly what she would’ve picked. “Tank yew Big Daddy Nyum-Nyums.” Which was her nickname for her sweet father.

“Anything for you,” he replied, his lower lip trembling a bit. He cleared his throat, glancing at Mommy, who was busy shoving the non-perishable provisions she’d bought into Fury’s awesome new backpack. Fury added the stuff she’d packed, which turned out to be far too much stuff for the pack. So she was forced to take out her less-favorite outfits. A minor disappointment, quickly forgotten. Because she was going on a frickin’ journey, and that’s what really mattered.

“There,” Mommy said when the pack was…packed. “What else?”

“Gonna need some way to defend herself, ain’t she?” Nettie asked.

“Right,” Dad replied. “I’ve got some weapons and stuff at the shop she could use.”

“Yay!” Fury exclaimed, for she’d never been allowed to use any of Daddy’s creations. Not in the weapons aisle, anyway.

“You thinking what I’m thinking?” Mommy asked.

“Rod of Fire,” Chauncy replied.

“Yes,” Mommy agreed.

“Rod of Fire!” Fury exclaimed, thrusting her fists in the air. For it was her favorite weapon in the shop by far, at least in theory. A red metal rod topped with a pretty red gemstone that absorbed and released heat, it was just the kind of weapon she’d imagined wielding as a wizard…and an upgrade from the Rod of Burning, which Daddy had made before Chaos had been born. Everyone else in her family - except poor Epic, wherever he was - was a wizard, and gosh darn it, she wanted to be one too.

Off to the shop Daddy went, returning a short time later with the Fire Staff in hand. He presented to her in grave, Daddy fashion, which was just simply exactly the way she’d imagined it would go.

“Be careful with it,” he advised, more tears coming to his eyes. She adopted a similarly grave expression.

“I will,” she replied, taking it into her hands. “Thank you Big Daddy Nyum-Nyums.”

Daddy grimaced, and Nettie gave him a look, then rolled her eyes.

“Yeah,” he mumbled. “Um, so what else?” he asked. Not Fury, of course, but Mommy.

“Um…” Mommy began, rubbing her chin with her glittering diamond hand.

“Hmm,” Daddy mumbled, rubbing his chin as well.

“Guess that’s it,” Mommy said at last. Daddy frowned.

“No,” he countered.

“Yes,” Mommy replied.

“I feel like we’re missing something,” he pressed.

“Like what?”

He paused, then snapped his fingers.

“Transportation!” he answered. Mommy’s eyes lit up.

“Ooo, I’ll grab Peter!” she exclaimed.

“Peter!” Fury gasped. For she absolutely loved the pretty unicorn. And he matched so many of her outfits, which was just perfect.

Mommy went to the foyer and opened the front door…and then gasped. For Imperius Fanning himself was standing at the doorstep, awesome magical staff in hand.

“No,” he declared.

“Huh?” Mommy replied, taken aback. As evidenced by the fact that she took a step back.

“She goes on foot,” Imperius clarified. “No Peter. No carriage.”

“But…” Mommy began.

“No,” Imperius insisted.

“She has soft feet,” Daddy argued.

“And a soft head,” Nettie grumbled.

“They’ll toughen up with time,” Imperius replied. He gave Nettie a disapproving look. “As will the rest of her.”

Daddy and Mommy glanced back at Fury, looking torn.

“Really?” Daddy said in a high-pitched sort of way.

“Really,” Imperius confirmed. He patted his gut then. “Has my gut ever been wrong?” he inquired with a truly epic arching of one bushy white eyebrow. Why, it gave Fury chills to witness it.

Both of her parents hesitated.

“No,” they replied in unison. Reluctantly.

“Then trust it this time,” Imperius insisted. “Come Fury,” he added, gesturing for her to do just that. She rushed up to him, clasping her hands to her bosom in excitement. He stared at her. “Your pack,” he reminded her.

“Ooo, right!” she replied, rushing to retrieve it. This done, she returned to his side excitedly. Mommy and Daddy rubbed their faces, then gave each other a hug, which was cute. “Aww,” Fury cooed. “Triple-hug?”

“Sure,” Daddy replied.

She joined in on the lovin’, and at length they separated, and Fury turned to Imperius, adopting a serious expression. A fierce countenance that screamed “I’m ready, come get me.” Or rather, “I guess I’ll come get you, destiny. Let’s do this.”

“Let’s do this,” she stated, never one to hold a thought back.

“So you shall,” Imperius replied. “Go south through the Gate to the Kingdom of Pravus, then head east until you reach the ocean,” he instructed. “Follow the shore and it will bring you to tall cliffs,” he advised. “When you reach the tallest cliff, search the area for the fabled land of Ferra Lin. There, you will find the means to fulfill your destiny.”

“Which is?” she asked.

“To travel southwest of Grissam to the Dark Wood,” he answered. “And destroy the source of evil within.”

“Okay!” Fury agreed. “You can count on me!”

“One more thing,” Imperius stated. “To help you in your journey, first follow the road through Pravus to a stone bridge, and seek the help of Rocky.”

“Shmookie tookums?” Mommy asked.

“The same,” Imperius confirmed. “But he is only to accompany you to the Gate to Grissam,” he added. Then he turned to Daddy and Mommy. “You are not to intervene in any way,” he warned, his tone quite grave. “Nor are you to follow or watch her journey. To do so would end in utter disaster. Are we understood, Chauncy Little?”

“Who, me?” Daddy replied. Innocently. Imperius just stared at him in a stern, wizardly sort of way. Which was just so cool to watch. Daddy’s shoulders slumped. “Fine,” he grumbled.

“Promise me, Chauncy,” Imperius pressed. Chauncy hesitated, wringing his hands.

“Can’t I just go and save the world?” he asked. “Isn’t that…more practical?” he added, glancing at Fury.

“Remember the stakes,” Imperius replied. “If you die, the universe dies with you. You must stay here, safe and sound, for all our sakes.”

Daddy grimaced.

“But it’s not like you have a whole lot of guards or anything protecting me here,” he argued.

“My gut protects you,” Imperius replied, patting his belly. “It tells me to keep you here, so that’s what you’ll do. Now promise me you’ll stay out of Fury’s quest.”

Daddy hesitated, then sighed.

“I…promise,” he replied. Imperius turned his gaze to Mommy and Nettie.

“I promise,” both grumbled.

“Very well,” Imperius declared, smoothing out his cloak with one hand. “Go now, Fury, and fulfill your destiny!”

“Okay!” Fury replied instantly. Imperius paused, glancing at Daddy and Mommy, then returning his gaze to her.

“Tell me where you’re going,” he prompted.

“Through the Gate, follow the road to the stone bridge, find Rocky, head east to the ocean, follow the shore north to the tallest cliff, get to the highest spot on the cliff and find the fabled land of Ferra Lin, then go to the southwest Grissam to defeat the great evil in the Dark Forest,” she recited. For when it came to her memory, she was much like her Mommy. In fact, some of her fondest memories were of snuggling with Mommy on the couch, memorizing the dictionary and thesaurus together.

“Right,” Imperius replied, giving her a relieved smile. And with that, the great wizard vanished in a poof of pretty blue sparkles.

“Ooo,” she breathed, watching as they fell to the ground and disappeared. Then she turned to her parents. “Hugs before bye-byes?”

“Of course,” Daddy replied.

She hugged Daddy and Mommy and Nettie, then waved goodbye, leaving and closing the door behind her, backpack on her back and fire staff in her hands. And with that, her fated journey began!

Furiously Inappropriate Magic will be available February 2023!

To check out the rest of the series, click here.